Hmmm have been depressed for so many days since I lost him. At first seriously couldn't accept the fact, who can imagine that someone who always put you in the first place will suddenly tell you that he doesn't love you anymore? About ten days ago he was still holding your hands, hugging you and telling you that he loves you, but ten days later he tells you that he fall in love for another girl. :/ Haihh that's what we called as life. Wonderful things can never last forever, the promises will never become true. But it's okay, he did not lie to me, cause I believe that he once thought that he will love me forever also, cause he really loved me so much so much until I cannot believe that someone can love me more than myself. Just like now, I love him more than myself either, eventhough I used to think that I love myself more than anybody else on earth..hmm :P
Have tried my best to view and read everything that happened in the past through facebook and blogger and realized how happy I was about two years ago. Now I think I can understand why he could fall so hard for me....I was really cuteness overload ohmygoshhhh. Not being perasan but seriouslyy. Never knew that I was once a happy kid that always smile and think in such positive ways. Yeahhh.... that was the Christy Goh, the girl that never give up on life and always believe that life is cheerful and will not get defeated by any situations. Look at all the photos I've posted in 2012, I was so amazed of it cause of the happy and sampat faces I used to have. Since when the cheerful Christy has gone? I guess since mom left us and when our family got into a mess, that was the hardest time of my life. Remember since that time, I started to close my heart and against the communications with other people. Why? Because I felt that nobody will understand me, even if I tell them my problems still nobody can ever help me, that's why I started to love being alone. All I had were only few closest friends. And when my 'closest friends' started to just ignore me a little bit, I will feel ultra alone and super emo. THAT WAS HOW CHRISTY GOH CHANGED.
But guess what, he was the only one who never abandon me but still staying beside me, although I hurted him that much. Maybe because of the loneliness I had, I chose to accept him and became totally dependant on him, taking him as my world. He was the one who made me still feel there's love in this world under such bad conditions. I truly appreciate this relationship we used to have, so happy so happy. :3 xD
So now, I decided to let it go~ let it go~ xD can't hold it back anymore~ haha xD this Friday, my birthday he will come and meet me to celebrate birthday for me, and give me a big big friendly goodbye hug hehe. That hug may be the last hug between us I guess. Really hope someday we will meet each other and continue our stories again, but alright, fate can not be controlled. Thank him for all these, and me Christy Goh will start to climb up again and become independent like how I used to be. NOTHING CAN EVER DEFEAT ME WAKAKAKAK. xD Gonna be myself and live hard, play hard while enjoying my life.
I used to be a strong girl who never need anybody to take care of. But since you fall for me, you gave me unlimited cares. You accompanied me when I did work til midnight, worried for me when I had my period, forced me to eat when I ate too little, and also rushed me to sleep when time was already too late. From a little girl who never afraid of dark or being alone, I started to become get used to your presence and lastly I really thought I could not live without you. In the first few days without you, I was afraid of everything. Afraid of the darkness in the night, afraid of the thunder and storms in the rain, afraid of the dogs when I go to school and many other things. But until I read all the posts and statuses I've posted two years ago, finally I knew and found back the old me. I was never afraid of these, that was me, that was the real me, so glad that the ending of this relationship will get me to find back the nature me. :))) That's all for today, I have to stop playing computer and memorize my syarahan! Bye guys, loves xoxo. <3 p="">
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