Luxury Life for this holiday

        Heyyy babes. So yeah, after the three weeks exam and in an astonishing speed it's already the second week of our holiday. This is already the fifth day Im in KL omg. Time just passes so fast, these days are just wonderful. Almost hanging out with friends everyday and nice foods everyday, what a luxury life compared to my kampung life.

So now I'm at Ossoto with my family, friend and her cousin. I just can't describe how great is this place right now cause I feel like I'm in those foreign movies right now. The entrance fee was just only RM128 and we could enjoy spa, gym, cinema, hair treatment and bla bla bla. The foods are totally free also, even for mocha cappucino or those expensive cakes AGHH AM I IN HEAVEN? I can't believe I'm in such place now cause I thought this kind of place only exist in movies. :O The environment is just so romantic and high class. Had massage also, it was kind of pain but okay I still love it wekekek.

Had some 'workout' at the gym room also, okay it wasn't really workout but yeah I spent 25 calories hahaha. Sister having manicure but I cannot have it cause school is gonna reopen soon boo. :( So now they are all having spa and sauna but Im just lazy so I just staying alone in the resting place, lying on the comforting sofa and using the computer provided here. You can never imagine how enjoyable is this unless you came hahah. I guess I will always come here if I still stay at PJ, but of course only if my financial status is fine la haha.

Gonna try take as much photos as I can but agh this place is like OVER ROMANTIC and the light is not even bright enough for me to take photos. :( that's why I can only enjoy but not taking photos for my friends to see boo. But I will try, and post it hahaha. xD Lalalala Im so happy I feel like Im the luckiest kid on earth. :3 I love this world I love my family I love my friends I love my life babe. :PP

       Chaah friends asked me to buy souvenirs for them but agh what to buy? Maybe gonna find something for them tomorrow night at the Kepong Pasar Malam haha cause the stuffs in shopping centre are just too expensive, even myself did not buy anything for myself. The only thing I bought was just a book, and I bought it because it was Rm79.90 at first but only Rm25 after discount wakakaka. Oh yeahh have to buy highlighters for Hong Yee also, I keep forgetting agh. :( Cause I'm just over excited when I hang out with friends and forget everything else hahahaha.

Life spent with family and friends is just great. But sadly, I'm gonna leave after two days. :( TWO MORE DAYS ONLY. I will miss them so so so ultra much and this is sad aghhh. I used to feel annoying because of the noises my five siblings made, but now I feel that life is so happy with their noises because it means that I'm never alone, isn't it? :P Hehehe hope that everybody on earth can feel the same as me. xD I'm so lucky to have this family and these bunches of friends, thanks for everything and I really appreciate so much.

Dadada what else to talk about? Ohyeahh I'm so scared of getting sick actually cause so many days of activities are quite heavy for my body. I've never been like this for couple of months already, and I suddenly having so many activities for one week goshh. Summore after this week I will go for the four days three nights camp woahh hahah I feel like Im iron woman now. xD yerk but yeahh hahha just hope I won't get sick so I can back to school with a healthy body. *lc lace*

Okay not gonna talk more cause I can't let myself spending so much time on computer right? I just have to go for gym or spa or anything cause I don't wanna waste so much money on just surfing internet hahah lol. So bye bye guys remember to live your life happily! ;D

so this is the photo of the locker place of ossoto which I found from internet, don't be suspicious or what cause IT REALLY LOOK LIKE THIS. awesome isn't it hahaha. :P

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Mixed feelings of joyfulness and little bit sadness.

    Lalala hello everybodyyy. So holidays have started since about two or three days ago (lazy to count) and I'm just feeling real excited cause I'm really going back to PJ next Tuesday onwards for one week wekekeke, then I will go for the drama camp after that. :D that's why these two or three days I was busy on finishing my holiday homeworks and all that because I will be quite busy playing after these wekekke. *evil face* so only one of my friends could join the camp with me cause all the others said their parents either don't allow or don't want to sponsor so they have no money to go loll. This is just so sad that their parents don't know how meaningful is it for their children to join different types of camps. Everyday staying in such small village is really boring and dull you know, cause your life will only limited in such small space and therefore it's hard to attain more knowledge or experiencing different things. So especially for me, I was a girl who loves going everywhere and loves travelling just like my mom, but life wanted us to stay in this small village lol haha. But it's okay, since we are moving to Melaka soon. *evil face again* xD 

So friends are coming over to my house again haha, to bake our banana cake wakakakak. xD :3 I'm feeling so hungry already aghhh. Don't know why but nowadays started to like bananas lol weird isn't it. I used to 'not really like' bananas cause I felt it's kind of geli hahaha but these days I realize it is kinda sweet and yum yum haha. :P And yeahhh, I started to eat lady's fingers also eventhough I used to hate this vege so so much lolll. :P maybe cause mom cooked til more delicious that's whyyyy? so i realize, things really change all of us are growing and changing also, but no wonder how still being happy is the most important thing. 

Ohyeaa I'm feeling a bit sad cause hmmm. I actually commented on kaori's facebook status which she said she will have a boring holiday and the reply I got from her kind of sadden me though. I commented 'lets hang out xD' something like that and guess whatttt, she just replied 'see first'. O.O I don't know is it me thinking too much or what but I feel like kena fuyan liddat. She never replied me like this before you knowww. :( feel like kena poured by a pail of cold water hmm but maybe she was just not in the mood? Don't know laaa maybe I just shouldn't think too much cause I don't really remember I did anything bad to her haha. Cheer cheer. :P 

Okay la anyway gonna plan what should I do in PJ. Where should I go? Who should I meet? What should I eat? And yeahhh what should I bring back? :P *evil evil very evil face* gonna bring all my trophies and beloved novel books back cause they are all my baobei I can never leave them there hmpp cause I scared someday dad will move then they will all gone. *the whatsapp shouting face* so yeahh this is the side-effects of using handphone too much you feel like putting all those different emotions but your laptop can never do that haizz. Ohyeaaa, I feel like bringing ah jane (my toy poodle dog) back cause she's already quite old already I scared someday she will XXX and I can never accompany her til the end of her days. :/ nono she's not gonna XXX that fast but still I'm just scared. She's really my favourite pet of all time, I never loved a pet til this point you know, she's seriously the cutest poodle on earth eventhough she looks so old now. She's always the best in my heart. :3 so that's why I plan to bring her back heheh, so next time she can accompany me also when I do my homework til late night. 

Me and Janiee at 2012 :DD xP

Ohyeahh I think I have to bring back the two little peas back also, the one which Zu Yan gave me hahah. It's such a memorable thing for me. :P

Lalala so this is the end of the post, gonna continue reading my books and study for addmaths xoxo. :P

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Life after Mid-terms.

        Hey guys, you know what, finally I've finished my midterms exam! This is just what I waited for three weeks goshieee. Haha but what to do after exam? There are much more things for me to accomplish but all I have to subdue is my laziness hahaha. I just have to get more motivations in life and never stay at the same point, cause I've already stopped for about one year plus. But anyway, this gap of time really taught me a lot. I was so struggle in all those pains and forgot about my dreams. Even though I know going New Zealand is still a huge difficulty for me but hmm im gonna apply for the working holiday plan, I wanna travel around New Zealand cause it's really a pretty country. 

So my house had a small barbecue event last night, to celebrate the end of midterms wekeke. I made doughnuts and chocolate pudding and it feels really good and happy to do all these preparations, even though the doughnuts didn't look good but still I take it as success cause it tasted not bad also. xD :3 So the girls all reached my house by about seven in the evening and we started to move out everything for the night. :D I even moved out the radio and played songs so the night looked more romantic wahahah. xD yaya so we ate and ate and ate non stop then I felt little bit mabuk even though I've never touched alcohol but only champagne haha. So I actually got mabuk mabuk liddat because I was too tired, EATING IS TIRING. Hahaha so I wandered around and asked people to dance with me and acted quite stupid hahaha lol. 

And guess what, yesterday's sky was filled with so many so many stars! Almost the entire sky was filled with stars and it just looked so so so so so damn amazing like we were in a drama. That was one of the reasons I feel that yesterday will be one of my unforgettable night hehe. Having friends under such romantic sky and romantic music is just too wonderful. But actually I was quite useless haha, cause I didn't know how to roast things at all, so I just put anything I wanted to eat and my friends roasted for me hmmm. All I did was eat and wandered around and enjoyed too much hahaha. I know I'm kind of useless. :( feeling guilty of myself right now agh. 

Anyway, that was really a lovely night and I thank god for blessing me such wonderful life heheh. Things changed but I know it all changes for a reason. I may think it's a drastic change at first but better things will come and the past experiences may lead me a better understanding of stuffs as long as I can move on. :D Nothing will ever become a huge problem unless you allow it to be. Sometimes people feel lost just because they feel nobody care for them and the one they care for isn't caring for them. But guess what, you just have to care for yourself first, do things that will make you a better person, not letting yourself down and fallen just to attract attention or care from a specific person. Nobody will take responsibility of your life, not your family, not your friends and of course not your lover either. You just have to handle your own life by yourself cause you are the only one who has the ability to have dominion over your fate. :) :P 

Ohyeaa just discovered something. Sean Yung started to smoke...lol. I said that I will not mention about him anymore but seriously ahh...why does he want to be like this. Smoking is seriously such an unhealthy stuff and over ninety percent of the people will get addicted to it once they started you know...just because he's unhappy he wants to start doing the things he once anti also. /.\ I have no idea la haihh I seriously hope he will stop it but how? Will he even listen to me hahh. I know I'm really busybody but at least as a friend still I feel that I should stop him. o.o aghh why I so busybodyyyyy. I really don't want him to get worse just because of all these relationship stuffs, doesn't worth it you know. He said he can stop and he's not addicted to it but he truely doesn't understand the power of nicotine. Maybe he thinks I just don't believe him, but honestly nicotine is scary. Too many people died in its hands and I really hope he won't be one of them haih. 

Okay last last, I just have to find some things to do during the holiday! :P Work will be quite impossible cause in such small village it's really hard to find a partime job. Instead, I decided to join a drama camp at Batu Pahat wekekeke. Four days three nights yayy it's been a long time since I joined a camp. (excluding school camps) Love the stuffs I will get to learn from all those camps and for sure I can meet more new friends and probably handsome guys. *evil face* hahaha okay la I was just joking, handsome doesn't mean they have good characters so I will not value a person base on their looking. :P xD as long as I can learn something from the camp, it's so much enough for me, so at least I will not spend my holiday doing nothing. :P mom is always the best, only with her I can plan stuffs for my holiday haha. She will always support me, what a supportive and love mom I have. <3 font="">

So yaya I'm planning to back to KL during the first or second week of holiday also haha. Maybe I will get to tumpang mom's friends car cause they are coming to visit us. So while they return, I may follow them and grandma told me she will ask granpa to fetch me back before school reopens. xD SO YOU KNOW, I WILL PROBABLY HAVE A FUN HOLIDAY. :DDD I'm just feeling so excited for it already, I will get to meet grandma grandpa baby a jane bibi and a new dog of my sister and so many people who I miss so much goshieee. xD And GO SHOPPING haha even though I can't waste money but I just feel happy when I can walk around seeing nice stuffs in the shopping centre haha. Window shopping is one of my hobbies babyy. :P If there's a chance then I may call out friends to hang out also, but who? Pin Hwa friends? or ying ying or shavonne? I don't know haha. Ying ying or pin hwa friends probably? I feel a distant with Kaori and shavonne they all actually, don't know why but yeahh. Feeling there's a distant between me and YAA. :/ so sad but yeahhh. :( 

Fees aghhh. Just asked mom to help me bank in 200 bucks for the school since last week but til now still she doesn't have the chance cause we never leave Chaah hahaha. There's no CIMB bank in Chaah boo. Feel like hanging out with friends next week but....FINANCIAL is always the problem. Actually I have enough money to hang out, but no. I just have to save down the money for the debts. But I don't know how to explain to them lol, so I just said I got no money. They kept asking me to go and I really want to go but still I can't, this is just so sad. :'( Doesn't feel like telling them about the debt stuffs not because I don't believe them, but I just feel like this is my own business and there's no such need to tell everybody haha. I can handle it right? Yeah Christy Goh you can do it. (y) ;) 

So lalalala can't believe my afternoon just spent on this post, but okay it's well spent cause blogging is such a relaxing thing, it helps me to share my problems and happiness with somebody which seems like nobody. I don't know it there's anybody here to read all these posts but I'm just happy by sharing it out wekeke. :P Bye bye everybody and wish you all will enjoy your day like me! :DDD

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New Plans New Excitement in Life.

    Goshieee life is just so cool. I can't believe this but seriously my life is filled with excitements and challenges which the other teenagers at my age can never experience. Okay, I may not say that all of them will not experience these like me, but at least majority of them will not be able to hehe. :P Anyway, before going into my main points, I will first talk about some things about my daily life. ;) 

So today was the bio test for both paper one and two. The objective paper one was neither easy nor tough, but I guess I can still get an 'okay' mark for it haha. But for paper two! So sad nahnahh, I could not answer properly at all. :( Okay not really at all, but almost 40% of it I couldn't do well. This is just depressing cause bio is my favourite subject! And I couldn't even do well on it... :( cause I really had not enough revision of it, all I did was just scanning through haihh. But guess what, you will understand my feeling when you have experienced a three weeks examination. It's just too damn long and it makes you feel like nothing matters anymore at the end of the exam due on its time length. The flame of studying does not exist anymore hahh. :'(
But I don't care anymore laa......after this exam I will start up my new plan of studying and next time for sure I will not die like this time hmppp!

So yeahh, I've thought of a study plan for myself while I was bathing halfway just now hahaha. Yeahh bath time is always the time for us to think about life, so that was how my idea emerged wekeke. :D okay la, my study plan isn't something big or what, but just that I decide to have my own two hours revision time everyday after school. One day one subject and only for school days, so I will study five subjects respectively on each different day. Besides that, I will memorize at least one or two karangan each week so that my BM can improve as fast as it can hmm hmmm. It's not something easy for sure, but sikit sikit satu hari jadi bukit you knowww. xP okay I don't know is this malay phrase correct or not but it just came out from my mind so whatever la haha. xD so if any of my friends want to study they can also come to my house for group study and it will be a really nice time though. :P so for the remain free time I can try to knit stuffs to sell cause I really have to clear my debt. :( I know it isn't easy but even if there's only a little bit I can earn still I have to try, even though I still can't believe they said that Im a liar but still I've promised and I will try my best to do what I've promised.... :) the words may bring me down but not forever. 

Okayy so now I'm going to announce the very new and exciting plan that I've just heard from my mom, it's that we are moving soon, to Melaka. Hahahah lols but may not in a short period of time cause uncle is going to sell the house away and only after that we will find a new place to stay at Melaka. Goshh I love Melaka can't believe I'm moving there soon. But of course, selling house and moving house requires at least half year I guess, so now I will just study bersungguh-sungguh and wait for the new transfer wekeke. Can't believe that I'm going to change school again, since I've already been in three different schools since form one, and if I transfer again I will get into the forth school of my secondary school life hahaha. This is just so dramatic and may I say amazing? Haha. Then for the one year in Melaka I will then graduate and move again for my college/university life or maybe I will stop school for one or two years for a travel? I don't know, I have no exact plans yet but I can imagine I will have an extraordinary life journey as compared to the others. :D 

Honestly, it sounds fun but actually it's really hard to adapt to all these new surroundings in that short period of time. Sometimes depression strikes and you will feel so unstable and lifeless, but once you think positively it all just become new challenges for your life to be embellished with more brightening and charming stars which your friends don't even have the chance to possess. So hey, grab your chance and live a more meaningful life. :P Cheer up for myself and after this I will have to face my addmaths alreadyyyy, (the cruelness of  reality!) byebyeee. ;) :D

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A Warning to Myself.

         Christy Goh, stop being like this please. These two weeks should not affect you, you should really get rid of these. Even though you don't really love him right now, but still in the heart you CARE for him, this is the worst part. Oh why, you actually succeed to ignore about two weeks ago when you started not to find him. Just within that three days, you did not think much about him anymore. But why after these two weeks, you start to think about him again? This is so intolerable ugh. Even though you don't think about getting back together or those sweet sweet things with him anymore, but you still think about how much he has changed or stuffs like that. This person is really not worthy for you to even think of you know? :(

Please be good to yourself my dear. And please forgive him, you are still blocking him just because you don't want to see anything posted by him, this is actually an act of escaping from the fact? Just something like that. When there's a day which you can look at all his statuses about how much he loves that girl yet you feel nothing, it means you really have let go. So actually I could do it, before he came and find me again. By that time even when I saw him posting things about his insomnia or stuffs like fighting for the girl, all I felt was just ridiculous. I felt those acts were really so stupid, cause even if he gets her, someday sure they will break up or what, so what for? Lol. Haha I sound so evil, but seriously la, this is a cruel world, and all these dramas will have an end. The only way to stay happy forever is love yourself first, always put yourself first ahead of the others. This Sean Yung doesn't even know how to love himself so how is him going to love his girl and care for her la yorrr. Even if he can, but still only for temporary, just like me, he is not able to care for me til the end also isn't it. Even for his mom also he cannot treat nicely, how is him going to treat his girl well? Maybe yes, very well at first but sure not forever, that's what I learnt from him. He's just like my dad, even though he told me he will never be like him hmm. But it's okay, promises are just promises, people make this but half of them never keep it so I shouldn't blame this on him? Cause it's really not important anymore. 

Okay stop backstabbing okay christy! Hahaha I'm feeling so bad laa, keep backstabbing him haha, even though in front of him also I dare to say all these la but still discussing all these behind of him isn't that good? Even though I bet he knows what I think of him right now hehem. Okay la, no wonder how worse is this guy but still it's none of my business anymore la, should really let go of everything. 真正的忘记是不需要努力的, so yeahh this is so true cause the harder you want to forget someone, the more you will think of it haha. So since tomorrow this person should not be mentioned by me anymore. :3 So I'm gonna forgive and unblock him la, no hatreds, maybe will be kind of dislike, but guess what? Christy Goh will always forgive cause I don't want this world to be filled with negative emotions! No wonder what the others did to you, but still forgiving is always the wise choice, it doesn't mean that you allow everybody to hurt you, but this means no wonder how much hurt you got but still you can handle it. :D right? xD Yeah right this is is me and I feel proud of myself wekeke. :3

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Rojak Thoughts.

      Okay, just as my title showed, this is a post about all my rojak thoughts. It's kind of in a mess but okay I still have a point. Things have been happened for the past two weeks again. Since the day I decided to love myself more, I felt so much happier. I almost did it actually, but guess what, that stupid guy came back and find me again. Told me he felt weird without talking to me for days and bla bla bla. And most of all, he told me he felt kind of jealous when he knew there's a guy kept finding me on facebook lol, and so he even went to check my chatbox, what the hell. -.- I felt kind of weird that time, I already decided to give up on this guy but why does he still come back and talk all these stuffs to me, about how regret he was and asked me to think of getting back together something like that. -.-

Okay, I admit that my heart was shaken a bit, even though not really to the point which will accept him once again, but still a little bit shaken. I knew this guy doesn't worth it but just because of the memories my heart got shaken again. But you know what, memories are just memories. Things change, people changes, and now even feelings change. This useless guy told me about two days ago that finally he realizes that the one he loves is still not me, he just 'cared' about me, and he got a sweetdream about him and his new crush. What the hell. -.- I was so so so speechless and mad seriously. It was okay that he dumped me at first, even if after breaking up he went for another girl still I decided to forgive him. But this time no way la please, he is not a man at all homg. Can't even be sure of his feelings, how can he be a man? If he is not sure of himself than at the first spot he shouldn't even came and find me okay. Don't mess me up with all your rojak feelings. So childish and intolerable.

That's why I'm feeling real stupid that I've loved someone like this. I can't say that he is a bad guy, but apparently he is not a good man. He is just an immature guy who still can't be a man. I know this is just so straight and harsh, but I guess I am the only one on earth dare to tell him this. -.- He knows that, I'm not the type of person who will simply scold a person with all these harsh and hurting words, but once I say it, I do mean it. He has already gone beyond my limitations. Maybe I reacted just too soft to all his betrays that's why he thinks he can do anything to me as all he wants. Even if definitely all his friends will go to him and ask him not to be sad or what, but all these are just for him to feel better. The fact is that he's a total useless rubbish, a person who doesn't even have the right to love anybody. This is the last lesson I can give and also the last truth I can tell him, cause after this case I will not tell him what he do is right or wrong anymore -.- I will not care for this person anymore, not even wasting my energy on hating him, I will treat him just like a normal plus normal friend, and may I say a stranger? Haha who knows.

But honestly, I was so mad not because of what, but because that I've wasted so much of my time on this worthless guy. I was so immature either, tried to rely on a guy who never appreciate of what he has. Example like his mom, he said she's the most important woman in his life, but guess what? He never put an effort to make their relationship gets better, what he does is just scolding and scolding his mom all the time. What does 'love' mean when you keep on hurting that person that you love? I've taught him about this since the time I cared for him, but until now still he doesn't get it I guess. Anyway, that's none of my business anymore, and I don't want it to be my business anymore either. I will not waste my time on this person anymore. Not even hatreds should be allowed on him,  cause it feels not good to hate a person. The more you hate a person, the more it means that you care for that person. That's why, I shouldn't even hate him, he doesn't even worth of my hatred isn't it. :P

Adults are still the ones with best experience. The time when I was with him, I started to not listen to all the things adults have told me/us. They told us we are still not mature enough to get a stable relationship, so better stay friends first. They said we will get really hurt and we will not be able to handle that if we have troubles in our relationship. By that time, all in my mind was that he will never leave me. I was stupid enough to trust him. And so the result is clear, all those were just puppy memories, yeah, puppy love. I thought our love was stronger than any other couples of our age, but lol hell no we are just the same, and maybe even worse. Love is so so blind, and after you are out of that love, you see things more clearly and feel so funny to look at the childish old you. Yeah I was so childish, but no wonder how much I feel regret but still I've loved and this is already an unchangeable fact. So now I decided to accept this fact and move on to the next stage of my life, a better life without this mistake in my life. ;) xoxo heyyy.

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The Old Him

Listening to 天空之城 heheh. What a nice and relaxing music, and yet a music which rewind so much memories in my mind. Remember there was a secret favourite website of mine which I still remember until now even though I discovered it about four or five years ago haha. It's a website with this as background music, the dark blue background colour looks so romantic with starring stars on it. If you want to have a look on it, you can just google search 爱情许愿树 by using Internet Explorer. Remember, never use other browsing webs cause it only works with Internet Explorer, even though I guess it doesn't work like last time anymore also because explorer has updated and it's already totally different now lol. But anyway, search it if you want to see it, it's a great website, for me. The website will pop out a small window for you to fill in some questions. And it will appear a long long chinese article which kind of reflecting your thought. It may not be very accurate but not counted as inaccurate also cause it really showed me my real thought without me knowing it. 

And okay, feeling kind of emo right now. Remember I introduced to him this website when we were already together for few months, but his computer was too lag and slow so that was why he couldn't able to browse for it also I guess. It's a little secret of mine and it was quite rare for me to introduce someone about it haha. I just love the feeling of having my own peace time listening and looking at this website. I always had my own peace time without wanting anybody to accompany me lol. And so if you have read my previous posts you will definitely know that he was the one who changed my habit on this lol. 

For the up two or three post I've said that I have to love myself more than anyone. Yeah that's right, totally right. But seriously, I miss him, the old him, not the recent him.... I really miss that a lot. But even if now I still chat with him or what, I feel that he's a total different person, he's not the one I loved anymore. I don't know why, but when I'm typing about this my tears just flow out unconditionally, right now. This is just so sad and heartbroken to think of the old him. I miss and love that old him really really much, but why, why has he died. The stupid fishy I loved, where has he gone...? Why does he want to play this game to me, why lost? Is him really died or what.

He said he still thinks that I am the one who understand him the most, but seriously? Is him sure about that, cause I feel I know nothing about him. The same person, but a totally distinct feel to me. Just one month, it just all happened in one month. Actually today is the one monthsary of us on breaking up haha. Now I don't look at bobi anymore before I sleep, all I do is talk to myself and have my own time. I don't want to depend on anything anymore, cause I know the feel of losing it, the pain we will get is equilibrium with the happiness. The happier we used to have, the more pain we will receive. 

Feel like telling him to not interrupt my life anymore if he is not sure about his feeling, cause I don't want him to take me as a replacement. I don't want someday he suddenly tells me he can't give up on another girl again, I can't tolerate another betray from him anymore. I decided not to care, but the old him who I loved so much makes me not to be that harsh. My mind is just in a mess right now, can't even make clear of the situation. Don't know whether he really changes or not. Don't know is the old him really died or not. Don't know about my own feeling for the most of all. 

There was once I blamed that distant was the factor to cause us to break up. But actually no, it's not the distant which matters, it is the heart. Distant is just a test for us. It helped me to look clearly at him, he's not the guy. He's not the guy who will keep you, not a guy with steady heart. The instability of his heart seriously disappointed me, so so so damn much. But what to do, I loved him. Love is stupid when it comes to betray. How do you love someone who betrayed you? Now my love is lying between myself and him, wait, not him, it's the old him. The stupid fishy who was being 100% truthful to me and manja me like nobody else. 

Lol now I really don't need this anymore I guess. No guy will ever get my heart. I just have to protect myself. Myself is the only person on earth that can be relied on. Never ever trust someone that deeply. That's the lesson. Even if you really trust someone, but still not over. Leave a space for yourself cause nothing is impossible and the one who you trust the most can also betray you and leave you behind. Okay I sound so negative so yeahh, no wonder how positive is a person still they will feel this way when it comes to situations like this aghh. :'( Okay la, I'm just feeling a mess because I really miss that old him lol. The photos were all deleted and now I can't even find the traces left by that old him. He just lives in my memory and I'm feeling like this person didn't even exist at all...hahh. May be all from my imagination? Idk haha and okay bye guys. Tomorrow is holiday and finally I can get a better sleep since there's no exam wekeke. :3

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Random Post While Studying Halfway.

      Hahahh just as you seen from the title, I'm studying halfway and it came an urge in my brain to have a blog post. I'm not sure whether I used the adjectives correctly but anyway it's my blog and I can use my own language without caring about the grammar mistakes wekakaka. Okay I'm just a little bit hyperactive these days because I'm gonna enjoy my life hmm teehee. :3

What should I talk about? Some random topics okay. I'm feeling so full these days until I think if I don't stop eating I will definitely become 40kg by the end of next month or what lol. But NONONO, I have to keep fit okay. :'( They said that humans with no troubles in mind will get fat because they don't think too much but just eat eat and eat also haha. But actually I have troubles also la, a little bit which shouldn't even be a trouble at all cause IT SHOULD NOT BE IMPORTANT. Yeah right it shouldn't be important so I should not think of it again nonono. Okay I know I'm like talking nonsenses now haha, but yea right still that phrase THIS IS MY BLOG AND I CAN SAY WHAT I WANT. xD :D

School life is quite busy nowadays and I got seven prizes with five first place lol. I don't remember that I've joined that many of competitions but yeah I just got the prizes hmm. But so cacat, all were files and pens and not even a trophy. -.- So the only reward that makes me happy are the extra points for lisan that I will get haha. 

Okay I can't believe that I got first place for the chinese and english singing competitions actually. I never knew that I can sing on the stage without getting out of tune hahaha. Cause last time even if I was well prepared and confident enough to go on stage but still in the end I would get into fear and everything would get out of control. :( But this time I never! Not only getting the first place, but presented at the sanctuary hall in front of the whole school homg. Sang 'When I Was Your Man' by Bruno Mars eventhough I'm not even a man haha. But I love this song, don't know why but yeah. Anna played guitar for me and she was so cool in all the pictures ahha. And how about me, I LOOKED HORRIBLE. :( But nevermind, take it as a good experience wehehe. 

One of my friends told me that I believe on the others too much and asked me to be careful hmm. It's kind of weird but hmmm. I feel that they sayang me so much that's why I told them almost everything haha. But of course not all la, I still keep a little bit to myself though. I don't like to suspect people cause I believe everybody has a kind heart within them. I'm tired of the life with lies and dramas. I believe that if I treat my friends truthfully and sincerely in the end sure they will treat me same way. :D So that's one of the principle in my life, don't take things too seriously. Even if stuffs happened, go and explain and in the end sure everything will be in peace. (y) :3 Cause LOVE is the universal power which bonded us together, and we should believe in this. (not for boy girls relationship, Im tired of that) 

LALALA so finally it comes to the end of my blog post and I just have to gear up and continue studying for my Komsas! Finally get to study a little bit today and I'm quite happy for it. :))) eventhough it's totally not enough. Okay anyway, bye bye my lovely friends. (actually i don't think that anybody will read my blog cause it's been inactive for years already but still yeahhh haha) I LOVE YOU ALL!!! xD

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A Boring Day with Sejarah

HAIHH Im feeling extremely depressed right now. Maybe I have been too relax for these two years since I went to YAA cause all their LifePac Tests were just too easy. And now, for the real exam I can't memorize things properly at all. Okay actually I'm sure that I can memorize all these if it's in English, but guess what IT IS ALL IN MALAY. Eventhough I understand, but it's just an impossible task for me to memorize it like how I could memorize Chinese or English's history. I'm lack of courage now and dying soon. How am I able to memorize these ninety over pages of bullshit. :(

Okay, I actually slept at about three something in the morning last night. This is the first time I sleep that late since I came to Johor I guess. But probably no also, because I got insomnia for so many days for the past two weeks lol. And guess what! Mom just bought a portable wifi thingy from Batu Pahat since yesterday and now I'm able to connect to the wifi instead of holding my mom's phone everywhere or the broadband everywhere just to connect their hotspot lol. So happy so happy wekaka so probably that was the reason why I couldn't concentrate on my revision yesterday and ended up sleeping so late.

I'm quite excited for the exam actually, but having fear within me also since I'm totally unprepared. The worst subjects of mine - BM AND SEJARAH are the two compulsory subjects to be passed if not I will get fail for my keputusan LOL... so that's life, challenges everywhere. Teacher said the two karangan for BM's Paper 1 have to be at least two or three pages to get A, but I don't ask for more, I just ask for a B. But B is already tough enough for me since I'm a total loser when it comes to BM. :/ I really want to study but I just can't pay much concentration on it and I don't even know why, maybe too many things have been happening for the past few weeks? Maybe.

Days past real fast and I can't imagine it's already May. Next month will already be June and I hope I can back to PJ during the two weeks holiday lol. Feel like having a hangout with the old friends like pin hwa friends or Shavonne they all? Did not meet her last time I went back to PJ and feel like meeting her for the next round. Maybe gonna meet Ying Ying cause she really helped me alot in overcoming the love issues I've got. She's just so cute and helpful haha, love this girl la homg. Realizing how many friends I've left out since I have been in a relationship with him lol. Didn't know I have so many friends who seriously sayang me so much. But nevermind, I will not forget them in the future wahahaha. <3 font="">

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Back to the own me

Goshhh this is just unbelievable. What have I done in the past year? I TRUELY ACCEPTED A GUY AND LOVED HIM WITH ALL MY HEART. -.- I changed so much for this person, and now finally I realize how stupid I was. Why did I sacrifice so much for a guy? Why did I love him more than myself? Why did I live for him? Okay, I admit that was a sweet memory, but it all should get vanished since the day he told me he doesn't love me anymore. =.= Why do I have to be so sad for someone who doesn't even know how to appreciate me? Am I not worthy for it? Am I that cheap? LOL.

Remember why did he like you? Because you were just so positive and always welcomed your friends with your charming smile, wasn't it? You were once a positive girl with thousand hopes in your mind and never live for anybody, but just for yourself. That was why you did everything so perfectly because you didn't want to fail in anything, you just wanted to show your best. But since when? Since when you need somebody to stay by your side and overcome stuffs with you? THAT'S RIGHT, since your mom left you. He was the one who stayed by your side and never left you by your own, maybe that was why you accidentally fall for him? So this is the reason why adults always say that teenagers who have problems in family will try to find a boyfriend or girlfriend because they are short of love .__. so I became one of the victims.

 Honestly, I should thank that he leaves me now. Because without him, I can hold my own dreams and do things more freely, without getting restricted by any controls. I can have my own dream like how I used to have. I can plan for my university life at another country without worrying of him and have more adventurous challenges based on my own decisions. ;) I will not get controlled by anybody since now. Someday, I will be better, I will love myself more than anyone. I belong to myself. Because how do we love the others when we do not even know how to love ourselves? Finally I realize how childish I was, being like an idiot when I first lost him. -.- He doesn't really should mean anything to me, cause a truely mature guy will never betray his girlfriend and will take responsibility for their own woman okay. If he can do this to me, for the same he can do the same to the other girls also. Imagine how if I really got married with him? Guess I will be even worse now homg.

Back to the reality girl. Nobody will accompany you til the end, every person will only be with you for just A PERIOD OF TIME. You came to this world by your own, and of course will leave this world by your own also. If you want to live with no regrets, first you just have to LOVE YOURSELF. This is the main principle. So true and so useful. Stop living in the korean dramas, every drama has an end. And after the dramas, you just have to continue your life awesomely. 

I shouldn't hate him or dislike him, but I just feel so not worthy to get myself into such deep depression because of him. /.\ He will not mean anything to me anymore, just a past tense. Now I finally understand why I did not want to start any relationships when I was single, I was rational enough to have all these concepts in my mind, but I couldn't resist from the temptations lol. But now, after a REAL EXPERIENCE I had by myself, I know that love is not something you SAY, but take ACTION. Love is not about kisses or hugs, not about controlling each other, but respecting each other and never betray each other. When you truely love someone, you will never promise a forever, because you can't predict what will happen next. If you truely love a girl, you have to be really mature enough to protect her. Never tell a girl who loves you that you will love her forever, cause not every girl can afford the sadness if you betrayed  your words.

But now, I overcame all these. Now everytime when I look at the monkey - BOBI which he had given me, I will not think of him, but I will tell myself to love myself more and be confident. Be an independent and courageous girl, not a weak girl who needs someone to take care of. ;) This is a promise to myself. <3 font="" nbsp="">

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After Two Years, 25/4/2014.

Remember two years ago? I had an unforgettable birthday. All my friends celebrated for me after school and you accompanied me for the whole day also. Memories are just wonderful, especially this. First love is always the best, finally both of us understand why everybody said this. We used to talk about our future, about our family, our dream house and even about our babies. That were just so sweet and wonderful. I never believed about forever and never trusted a guy about their sweet talk, but what have you done for me seriously touched me and made me love you this much. But guess what, everything have passed, now you've found a new girl who you want to live for and care for. Not me anymore. That's sad, so sad. But what can I ever do? All I can do is just LET IT GO. If he belongs to you, he will also come back to you someday, even if it may be many years after this. Now all you can do is be his friend and cheer him up? That's all you can do for him. :) Even if it may be quite hurt sometimes because he's loving another girl? :'/

Aghhh gonna back to the reality and start my own life after tomorrow! Tomorrow will be meeting him at KLCC, may be the last time we meet? I don't know. But at least I can spend my birthday with him, that's also the last thing he can do for me. Eventhough the facts have clearly showed that he does not love me anymore, but still in the heart I will ask myself will him love me back when he sees me? Will the feeling comes back to him? Agh STOP THINKING TOO MUCH CHRISTY GOH. This may be happen, but this relationship can never be saved anymore. :(

You know what? He could not sleep for two days just because he scared the girl will leave this and couple back with this ex, omg. I felt so much pain in the heart after I know that. Firstly, I don't want him to get hurt. Secondly, I'm getting hurt. WHY WHY WHY EVERYBODY HAS TO GET HURT. I know why, this is just a process of growing up and growing mature. But this stage is just too hard, for everybody. I know I can never own him anymore, all were just memories. I'm clear in my mind about what is going on and what should I do, but the feelings just don't go away. Still can't believe that tomorrow is already the day, the day to truely giving up on him. Actually not giving up, but letting go. I really love this guy, but just because I love him too much, I just have to let go. :') I will never love anybody that deep anymore, all I need is a steady life with bunch of crazy and good friends to finish my school life with me. ;) It doesn't mean that I don't believe in love anymore, but not now, for sure.

Okay I'm feeling really tired right now, have to off to sleep. Tomorrow will have to return back his jacket to him, feeling so reluctant goshhh...this jacket had accompanied me for one year I guess, had been through so many things with me. Whenever I was feeling depressed or alone I would just cry it out and hugged it and get into sleep with it.... but think what, I still have to let go. Hope that tomorrow will be a good day saying good bye to him. :') Wish me good luck.

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Process of Curing.

     Hmmm have been depressed for so many days since I lost him. At first seriously couldn't accept the fact, who can imagine that someone who always put you in the first place will suddenly tell you that he doesn't love you anymore? About ten days ago he was still holding your hands, hugging you and telling you that he loves you, but ten days later he tells you that he fall in love for another girl. :/ Haihh that's what we called as life. Wonderful things can never last forever, the promises will never become true. But it's okay, he did not lie to me, cause I believe that he once thought that he will love me forever also, cause he really loved me so much so much until I cannot believe that someone can love me more than myself. Just like now, I love him more than myself either, eventhough I used to think that I love myself more than anybody else on earth..hmm :P

Have tried my best to view and read everything that happened in the past through facebook and blogger and realized how happy I was about two years ago. Now I think I can understand why he could fall so hard for me....I was really cuteness overload ohmygoshhhh. Not being perasan but seriouslyy. Never knew that I was once a happy kid that always smile and think in such positive ways. Yeahhh.... that was the Christy Goh, the girl that never give up on life and always believe that life is cheerful and will not get defeated by any situations. Look at all the photos I've posted in 2012, I was so amazed of it cause of the happy and sampat faces I used to have. Since when the cheerful Christy has gone? I guess since mom left us and when our family got into a mess, that was the hardest time of my life. Remember since that time, I started to close my heart and against the communications with other people. Why? Because I felt that nobody will understand me, even if I tell them my problems still nobody can ever help me, that's why I started to love being alone. All I had were only few closest friends. And when my 'closest friends' started to just ignore me a little bit, I will feel ultra alone and super emo. THAT WAS HOW CHRISTY GOH CHANGED.

But guess what, he was the only one who never abandon me but still staying beside me, although I hurted him that much. Maybe because of the loneliness I had, I chose to accept him and became totally dependant on him, taking him as my world. He was the one who made me still feel there's love in this world under such bad conditions. I truly appreciate this relationship we used to have, so happy so happy. :3 xD

So now, I decided to let it go~ let it go~ xD can't hold it back anymore~ haha xD this Friday, my birthday he will come and meet me to celebrate birthday for me, and give me a big big friendly goodbye hug hehe. That hug may be the last hug between us I guess. Really hope someday we will meet each other and continue our stories again, but alright, fate can not be controlled. Thank him for all these, and me Christy Goh will start to climb up again and become independent like how I used to be. NOTHING CAN EVER DEFEAT ME WAKAKAKAK. xD Gonna be myself and live hard, play hard while enjoying my life.

I used to be a strong girl who never need anybody to take care of. But since you fall for me, you gave me unlimited cares. You accompanied me when I did work til midnight, worried for me when I had my period, forced me to eat when I ate too little, and also rushed me to sleep when time was already too late. From a little girl who never afraid of dark or being alone, I started to become get used to your presence and lastly I really thought I could not live without you. In the first few days without you, I was afraid of everything. Afraid of the darkness in the night, afraid of the thunder and storms in the rain, afraid of the dogs when I go to school and many other things. But until I read all the posts and statuses I've posted two years ago, finally I knew and found back the old me. I was never afraid of these, that was me, that was the real me, so glad that the ending of this relationship will get me to find back the nature me. :))) That's all for today, I have to stop playing computer and memorize my syarahan! Bye guys, loves xoxo. <3 p="">

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好好说再见 o(︶︿︶)o

昨天其实草稿了我们以前的点点滴滴，到十二点多却还是到我们去yes camp那里罢了。回忆真的是太多太多，一边打着我们的故事一边有着幸福满溢的感觉。从来没有一个男孩可以这样闯进我的心里。从起初的好感、暧昧变成反感严恶再到放下戒心重新被感动然后真正爱上你，足足两年的回忆。这两年啊，说它长其实并不是很长，但是说短的话，我却把它当成了标志我中学生活的徽章。应该不该说是中学生活的徽章，应该说是我最刻苦铭心的初恋。曾经，我把kang thye当成是我的初恋，因为那时候把他‘当成’是男朋友。其实呢，我们连真正的牵手走街都没试过，又何为拍拖呢？o(╯□╰)o 所以我现在想说，Sean Yung Chien Mun才是我的初恋，唯一一个我真正全心全意投入进去爱的一个人。也是第一个我想托福我的一辈子幸福的人。曾经我们相爱，彼此都天真的以为这初恋也会是我们的最后一个恋爱最后一个伴侣以后将会一起结婚生孩子过着幸福的生活。❤

但往往事实就是残酷的，如今我亲爱的他爱上了别人。刚开始真的好难好难接受，简直崩溃了。起初还固执的坚信那或许是因为没了我的陪伴而对别人有了错觉，但是经过妈咪和他妈咪的解说后，我慢慢发现原来真的是我自己太自私了。我为了继续占有他才拼命找借口想把他留在我身边，我真的好自私。我曾经说他不应该因为失恋变了整个人，但是原来我也一样。我们都一样傻，为了爱情变得好傻。依我对你的了解，说真的，我知道你很爱她，所以你才会放下我。放下一个曾经这么爱的人谈何容易呢，但是你却肯为了她放下我，所以我知道你很爱她。你告诉我你只是很喜欢很喜欢她，但是不要骗我了吧，我懂你是爱上她了的。:) 不想伤害我罢了是吧。但是能怎样呢，我甘愿给你伤害，因为我爱你，我真的好爱你。爱到我那个以自己为中心的我都不见了。曾经我告诉你我爱我自己多过爱你，你告诉我你爱我多过爱你自己。但是到最后。。怎么相反了呢 :) 或许当初你真的是爱我多过你自己吧。但是我发现我并不是爱自己多过爱你呢，原来我爱你的程度远远超过了爱自己。因为为了你，我想要看见你开心。我放手，我要你去爱你真正爱的，我想要你用尽力气去呵护你爱的人。我祝福你们，因为我懂这样你才会开心。我不该为了自己的占有欲把你留下，让你过的不开心。虽然真的会很妒忌，但是一看了你以前被我抛下时写的部落格帖子，我有勇气让你去了，因为你是个值得我这么牺牲的人。:') 你曾经真的好傻好傻，或许是这一年多两年来被你传染了吧，我变得好像更傻了。我竟然为了爱你，去担心你爱的那个她。他感冒了，我慰问关心，因为我知道你会担心她，就像以前心疼我那样去心疼她。:') 不想要你担心，所以变得我也想去关心她了，难道这就是所谓的爱屋及乌吗。

大人们都告诉我说，缘分这事情不由得我不相信。缘分尽了就是尽了，假如还未尽的话或许以后我们都长大成人了都成熟了会在这世界的某个角落相遇回呢？或许那时候我们都是单身，然后再续前缘呢？这说不定啊，缘分这东西强求也没用，是你的就是你的。或许就是因为我那固执好胜的心态，所以硬要挽回吧。其实我应该想回当初我抛下你的时候，如果给我重新经历，我会回到你身边吗？说真的，就算再重来我也一样不会在当时回去你身边，因为我当初真的没有爱你。我不能因为怜悯你而跟你在一起，因为你不是动物。就好像现在，你是因为尊重我才不想欺骗我，才会离开我，因为你对我没剩多少爱了。真的谢谢你，谢谢你不是个没有良心的人。:) 但是我还是好伤，或许当初我没有选择来Johor我们现在的感情就会像当初那样一样这么甜蜜这么热恋着heheh, 但这只是如果有如果...

好好说再见，这首歌你说很好听，我去听了。我懂你为什么会觉得好听了，我也觉得真的好好听，歌词完全穿透了我们的心。歌词是这样的 :

我爱过妳笑的脸庞
我爱过妳心的善良
这些年有妳的时光
把我的孤独都照亮

我记得妳说过的话(时间留不住一句话)
我记得曾为妳疯狂(何时过了年少轻狂)
当情太深而缘太浅(当你离开我的世界)
至少要好好说再见(要怎么好好说再见)

一直以为真爱能直到永远
彼此相爱的每一天都是永远
一直以为我们有同一个明天
你曾是我的世界不完整的世界

如果花谢了会再开
如果错了的还能改
这些年累积的关怀
怎能说不在就不在

感情不该一直受伤(为何爱总是带着伤)
我不愿让妳再失望(有期望才会有失望)
当幸福碎成一片片(一颗心碎成一片片)
至少要好好说再见(要怎么好好说再见)

一直以为真爱能直到永远
彼此相爱的每一天都是永远
一直以为我们有同一个明天
你曾是我的世界不完整的世界

相信妳会过得更好(我还不想把你忘掉)
别丢弃妳无邪的笑(再见面还可以拥抱)

我记得妳说过的话(时间留不住一句话)
我记得曾为妳疯狂(何时过了年少轻狂)
当爱情不再像从前(你永远是我的从前)
原谅我沉默的再见

对啊，该怎么说再见呢。曾经我们天真的以为可以永远，如今才懂那只是个以为啊。不过还是谢谢你留给了我个这么美好的回忆。曾经啊曾经，这两年真的是非常戏剧化，现在回想还真像看了一套很长的爱情韩剧，也像是发了一场太美好太真实的美梦。不过呢，无论多长的韩剧也会有ending的那一天。虽然这结局并不是什么完美的结局，但是我真的很满足很感恩曾经拥有这么幸福的回忆。谢谢你，那个留给我这么多甜蜜幸福回忆的男孩，没了你或许我的生命还会是一如既往，没什么刻骨铭心的记忆。我也不会学的什么叫爱，你是教会了我什么是爱 :) 我真的觉得很幸福，不是每个人都可以像我这么幸运可以遇到一个这么疼爱自己的男人，把自己当成是公主那般来疼爱呵护。虽然现在没了，但是我知足了。曾经拥有已经很足够了。:) 就是因为曾经拥有才会变得这么完美吧 hehe :3 我这次真的是想开了，你也不要内疚了，感情是不能控制的。我也对不起曾这么自私的想要挽回你的心，我以后会过得开开心心的，你也要像以前疼爱我那样来疼爱你现在爱的女孩哦 因为为爱不顾一切的付出才是我认识的你，也就是因为你这个性格我才会曾经被打动啊hehe. 如今到我当那个傻瓜了，我会继续守护着你，爱着你，祝福着你开心。我们还真是天生一对的傻瓜啊，两个都为爱傻到极点hehe :3 但是天生一对不代表会孤独终老啦，只能说人生都会有些遗憾的事情，金童不一定配玉女，郎才也不一定配女貌，一生中的最爱也不一定会是陪你终老的那个。但是就是因为不完美，才算是实实在在的生活吧hehe. 谢谢你，生日后应该是时候跟你说再见了，不懂以后还有没有机会做朋友。好想继续跟你做朋友，但是我不想去打扰你，我知道你会对我很愧疚，我不想要你不开心，也不想要你为了要我对你死心而故意的去敷衍我。我知道你这样敷衍我你也不开心，zat我zat到我没话答你也不会多好受，但是就是因为为了要我对你死心。所以或许、以后不能再找你了。。。我努力吧

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