Goshhh this is just unbelievable. What have I done in the past year? I TRUELY ACCEPTED A GUY AND LOVED HIM WITH ALL MY HEART. -.- I changed so much for this person, and now finally I realize how stupid I was. Why did I sacrifice so much for a guy? Why did I love him more than myself? Why did I live for him? Okay, I admit that was a sweet memory, but it all should get vanished since the day he told me he doesn't love me anymore. =.= Why do I have to be so sad for someone who doesn't even know how to appreciate me? Am I not worthy for it? Am I that cheap? LOL.
Remember why did he like you? Because you were just so positive and always welcomed your friends with your charming smile, wasn't it? You were once a positive girl with thousand hopes in your mind and never live for anybody, but just for yourself. That was why you did everything so perfectly because you didn't want to fail in anything, you just wanted to show your best. But since when? Since when you need somebody to stay by your side and overcome stuffs with you? THAT'S RIGHT, since your mom left you. He was the one who stayed by your side and never left you by your own, maybe that was why you accidentally fall for him? So this is the reason why adults always say that teenagers who have problems in family will try to find a boyfriend or girlfriend because they are short of love .__. so I became one of the victims.
Honestly, I should thank that he leaves me now. Because without him, I can hold my own dreams and do things more freely, without getting restricted by any controls. I can have my own dream like how I used to have. I can plan for my university life at another country without worrying of him and have more adventurous challenges based on my own decisions. ;) I will not get controlled by anybody since now. Someday, I will be better, I will love myself more than anyone. I belong to myself. Because how do we love the others when we do not even know how to love ourselves? Finally I realize how childish I was, being like an idiot when I first lost him. -.- He doesn't really should mean anything to me, cause a truely mature guy will never betray his girlfriend and will take responsibility for their own woman okay. If he can do this to me, for the same he can do the same to the other girls also. Imagine how if I really got married with him? Guess I will be even worse now homg.
Back to the reality girl. Nobody will accompany you til the end, every person will only be with you for just A PERIOD OF TIME. You came to this world by your own, and of course will leave this world by your own also. If you want to live with no regrets, first you just have to LOVE YOURSELF. This is the main principle. So true and so useful. Stop living in the korean dramas, every drama has an end. And after the dramas, you just have to continue your life awesomely.
I shouldn't hate him or dislike him, but I just feel so not worthy to get myself into such deep depression because of him. /.\ He will not mean anything to me anymore, just a past tense. Now I finally understand why I did not want to start any relationships when I was single, I was rational enough to have all these concepts in my mind, but I couldn't resist from the temptations lol. But now, after a REAL EXPERIENCE I had by myself, I know that love is not something you SAY, but take ACTION. Love is not about kisses or hugs, not about controlling each other, but respecting each other and never betray each other. When you truely love someone, you will never promise a forever, because you can't predict what will happen next. If you truely love a girl, you have to be really mature enough to protect her. Never tell a girl who loves you that you will love her forever, cause not every girl can afford the sadness if you betrayed your words.
But now, I overcame all these. Now everytime when I look at the monkey - BOBI which he had given me, I will not think of him, but I will tell myself to love myself more and be confident. Be an independent and courageous girl, not a weak girl who needs someone to take care of. ;) This is a promise to myself. <3 font="" nbsp="">
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