Okay, just as my title showed, this is a post about all my rojak thoughts. It's kind of in a mess but okay I still have a point. Things have been happened for the past two weeks again. Since the day I decided to love myself more, I felt so much happier. I almost did it actually, but guess what, that stupid guy came back and find me again. Told me he felt weird without talking to me for days and bla bla bla. And most of all, he told me he felt kind of jealous when he knew there's a guy kept finding me on facebook lol, and so he even went to check my chatbox, what the hell. -.- I felt kind of weird that time, I already decided to give up on this guy but why does he still come back and talk all these stuffs to me, about how regret he was and asked me to think of getting back together something like that. -.-
Okay, I admit that my heart was shaken a bit, even though not really to the point which will accept him once again, but still a little bit shaken. I knew this guy doesn't worth it but just because of the memories my heart got shaken again. But you know what, memories are just memories. Things change, people changes, and now even feelings change. This useless guy told me about two days ago that finally he realizes that the one he loves is still not me, he just 'cared' about me, and he got a sweetdream about him and his new crush. What the hell. -.- I was so so so speechless and mad seriously. It was okay that he dumped me at first, even if after breaking up he went for another girl still I decided to forgive him. But this time no way la please, he is not a man at all homg. Can't even be sure of his feelings, how can he be a man? If he is not sure of himself than at the first spot he shouldn't even came and find me okay. Don't mess me up with all your rojak feelings. So childish and intolerable.
That's why I'm feeling real stupid that I've loved someone like this. I can't say that he is a bad guy, but apparently he is not a good man. He is just an immature guy who still can't be a man. I know this is just so straight and harsh, but I guess I am the only one on earth dare to tell him this. -.- He knows that, I'm not the type of person who will simply scold a person with all these harsh and hurting words, but once I say it, I do mean it. He has already gone beyond my limitations. Maybe I reacted just too soft to all his betrays that's why he thinks he can do anything to me as all he wants. Even if definitely all his friends will go to him and ask him not to be sad or what, but all these are just for him to feel better. The fact is that he's a total useless rubbish, a person who doesn't even have the right to love anybody. This is the last lesson I can give and also the last truth I can tell him, cause after this case I will not tell him what he do is right or wrong anymore -.- I will not care for this person anymore, not even wasting my energy on hating him, I will treat him just like a normal plus normal friend, and may I say a stranger? Haha who knows.
But honestly, I was so mad not because of what, but because that I've wasted so much of my time on this worthless guy. I was so immature either, tried to rely on a guy who never appreciate of what he has. Example like his mom, he said she's the most important woman in his life, but guess what? He never put an effort to make their relationship gets better, what he does is just scolding and scolding his mom all the time. What does 'love' mean when you keep on hurting that person that you love? I've taught him about this since the time I cared for him, but until now still he doesn't get it I guess. Anyway, that's none of my business anymore, and I don't want it to be my business anymore either. I will not waste my time on this person anymore. Not even hatreds should be allowed on him, cause it feels not good to hate a person. The more you hate a person, the more it means that you care for that person. That's why, I shouldn't even hate him, he doesn't even worth of my hatred isn't it. :P
Adults are still the ones with best experience. The time when I was with him, I started to not listen to all the things adults have told me/us. They told us we are still not mature enough to get a stable relationship, so better stay friends first. They said we will get really hurt and we will not be able to handle that if we have troubles in our relationship. By that time, all in my mind was that he will never leave me. I was stupid enough to trust him. And so the result is clear, all those were just puppy memories, yeah, puppy love. I thought our love was stronger than any other couples of our age, but lol hell no we are just the same, and maybe even worse. Love is so so blind, and after you are out of that love, you see things more clearly and feel so funny to look at the childish old you. Yeah I was so childish, but no wonder how much I feel regret but still I've loved and this is already an unchangeable fact. So now I decided to accept this fact and move on to the next stage of my life, a better life without this mistake in my life. ;) xoxo heyyy.
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